Bloody hell. It's been so long since I've been here that I'd almost forgotten how this all works. Is that even grammatically correct? Ergh. I've noticed my English skills slowly slip away in recent time. I'd like to blame all my bad grammar on music of today. Seriously, 'Can you handle me the way I'm are?' What the fuck is that? My spelling is becoming worse (probably due to the auto corrector in Word), but most frightening is the fact that I forget words. It feels as though they're on the tip of my tongue and I just can't spurt it out due to some sort of block. And then there's all the times where I go to do something and then completely forget what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. I hope it's not early onset dementia, or some sort of brain issue. Though, ha, a brain issue wouldn't surprise me in the least.
Why am I back here? I don't know. I guess I felt the need to talk to someone at such a stupid hour of the night. I took a nap this afternoon, y'see, and so that's why I'm up now. And I don't particularly feel like studying. No surprises there! Speaking of which, I changed my degree. I know, it's a bit crazy to be changing it so late in the game. I'm totally going to be old when I finish and then be an old maid on the shelf for the rest of my life. Which I'm completely ok with. Look around you - love is bullshit.
So now I'm a crazy person studying Law. It seems good so far, but I guess I'd have to give it another couple of weeks to fully appreciate or hate it. I hope I don't hate it, because, then what would I do? Join a circus? It seems a lot better than what I was doing before, and I've already studied harder in the last 2 weeks than I did in my last 2 semesters (which isn't really saying much, to be honest), so that can only be a good thing.
There's a mozzie somewhere in my room. He seems to like me.
I'd like to not be a lawyer that's all 'money money money money', and actually do some good. I was speaking to someone in my course that I went to high school with all them years ago, and when I told her this, she just smiled and said 'you'll change your mind in a few years'. I hope not. But then, that's the dream. I have others, each as unlikely as the next. Like, I'd like to write a book. To be honest, I don't know where that came from, but it's been something that I've been really wanting to do for a while. But, you know, not actually having anything to write about is always going to be a bit of an impediment. But I have this picture in my head of sitting in a cafe writing, and also of writing in the middle of nowhere, a la Love Actually. Sexy European helpers apply below. So maybe it's just because they're romantic images, linked together by writing, that makes me want to write. I don't know.
You should go on Australian Idol Even if you don't win You'll have great time Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel They're even letting fatties on there now So you should be fine
Another dream I have is to spend more time overseas. Specifically: Europe. I'm seriously thinking of going over in my summer holidays of 2009-2010. I'd love to go these holidays, but I don't have the $$$ for it.
Maybe my problem is that I'm not specific enough with what I want to do. They seem all very vague, like 'lose weight', 'save money so you can travel' and 'write something'.
I've decided I'm going to have much more of a life from now on. And not necessarily involving people. The people I care most about are never (physically, at least) around, which is no fault of theirs. I used to worry about going to things alone. But then I stopped caring and did it.
I erased her number from my phone I didn't know how much we'd grown apart
So, despite the company, or lack thereof, I'm going to go see things that I want to see, like plays, musicals, opera et al. Because, screw everyone else, it's what I want to do.
Don't you love it when there's an epiphany moment?
I'm not one to advocate the watching of current affairs shows. Unless of course, you're doing it purely for the comedic value. But tonight, you should all watch Today Tonight, and then watch The Chaser's War On Everything. I have some insider information that TT may end up looking like asses. Hooray! This is, of course, assuming that TT still run the story they were going to run, and the boys have enough time to edit in their bits. Regardless, watch anyway!
And yes, it's also blindingly clear to me that I am procrastinating.
If you thought that Andrew Bolt could not get any lower, well, he's on The Catch Up.
Fucking tool. It's him and Lisa Oldfield (*spits*) versus the rest of the 'panel'.
I'm halfway through my exams as of yesterday. And as of yesterday, the tickle in my throat that I got while in Canberra has been diagnosed as a virus. I haven't eaten anything in the last couple of days. Hurrah! It's a wonder that this isn't the new celebrity diet fad. Most importantly, hopefully I'll be getting some sort of special consideration. But surprisingly, I think I did relatively ok in the last 2 exams, giving the amount of procrastinating I do. It's the ultimate in procrastination when you're looking at property in South Yarra and Fitzroy when your bank won't even give you a credit card for a measly $500. Fuckers. Although I do have one now, and it's a higher limit. Take THAT, Westpac.
I'm leaving in two weeks (squee!), and there's still so much more stuff to get. Jesus, there's so much money to be spent before you actually leave to go anywhere. I still need to get a backpack, and all the various passes that'll mean that we don't have to spend a zillion dollars on transport. Sandra's leaving tomorrow, and I definitely want to be at the airport. So I'm going to spend the rest of the day asleep, so that I'm not so diseased (what a great excuse...!).
So the trip is about 99% finalised. danielbarnes and I are going off to the UK. We're both shit scared but utterly thrilled - we've never done anything like this before; backpacking around a foreign country. Sometimes I still can't believe it's happening. After so much planning and talk, to have it almost upon you is quite overwhelming. We're leaving on Friday, 22nd June, and getting back on Sunday, 29th July. The plan is to see London, then head up, go around Scotland, come back down to Wales, then back to London. Spend a few days recovering (and eating properly) and take a flight into Ireland, spend a few days, come back to London, then back home, just in time to catch the second week of semester. Although with jetlag, we might miss a whole lot more.
I've bought myself a Lonely Planet guide to Britain, and there seems to be so much to see and do. So we're going to have to be very selective in our 5 week trip, but I think we'll see a lot of awesome stuff and cut out on all the boring places that those guided tours seem to take you on. Shit, those things are pricey! Hopefully, we'll set up a livejournal or something to that effect and post every so often, and, with Daniel's expertise, I'm sure we could put in a few pictures. We'll let you know when we're closer to liftoff. But still, expect postcards!
Planning this trip is far more exciting than planning, or indeed, even starting, essays. I've already got 2 things that are overdue. One's 5% (and so really don't care about) but the other is worth 20% and is 2500 words. Ouch, I hear you say. I just can't get myself to start it. Looking up seedy backpackers is a lot less vomit-inducing than starting this pile-of-crap essay. I hope this attitude doesn't carry into the exam period. I've got a pretty good exam timetable, but if I don't know anything (as is the current fact) then I'm really screwed.
My mum gets back from her trip to Africa on Monday morning. It'll be good to have her around again - in recent time I've missed just having her there. She doesn't quite know about the backpacking-around-a-foreign-country idea just as yet, but I'm pretty sure she'll be ok with it. Accommodation is looking a lot less scary than I originally anticipated, and we'll be taking the tube a lot of the time. My dad's been really good about the whole thing and reckons we should spend a lot more time in Scotland rather than England, but the Lonely Planet guide doth knoweth all! Praise be and all that.
With my mother's impending arrival, my dad's all in a flurry about how messy the house is. Well, my room in particular. There's uni stuff and holiday brochures littered everywhere, together with the pile of dirty socks from the last 3 days. We're going to my cousin's house tonight for dinner, and I've been ordered to clean up. So, excuse me while I find some room-cleaning motivation, it may be lurking under that pile of lecture notes there...
What a way, to find out who your friends are. I suppose to find out who will stand beside you in your darkest moments, to find out who will actually care just enough to pick up a fucking phone when you need the comfort the most, you actually need to have a dark moment. A really, really dark moment. And I hope that when you turned around that day and gave me a little smile, that you were heartened to see me there, me and others. Look! Look at how the room is filled! That doesn't happen for just anyone, you know. You must have been so proud, through your sadness, that the room was filled.
There will be other dark moments, and again, we will be there. We will be sitting, standing, weeping (or bawling hysterically), we will be on the phone, we will be invading your lounge room with Spam. We will be there because we want to be there for you, damnit.
After all, if we did not pay you that simple courtesy, what sort of humans would we be?
I keep dreaming that people are dying. And they are. Not the people I'm dreaming about, or even people I know. But friends of friends, or people my parents know. There used to be a time where death happened to other people, or only on the news. But now it seems to be coming up ever closer. You never know whether or not you're going to wake up tomorrow, or whether the ones you love will wake up tomorrow. I've always known that, but it's not something you constantly think about. But now, I'm obsessing over it.
I'm so tired.
In infinitely happier news, Tasty Toobs are back. And pretty soon, so will The War on Everything; they're taking The Glasshouse's old timeslot.
I've got a cold. I haven't worked out in ages. I'm desperate and dateless. I'm confused. Or paranoid. Work is boring. People at university are stupid. My family drives me nuts. I've taken on too much. My clothes are all soaked on the line. I'm bored out of my brain. I've just cleaned my room. I'm eating pizza. And I'm overweight. I'm hot (not the good-looking hot).
I've been ordered to clean my room. So, of course, I'm on Livejournal. Makes perfect sense.
Um, so I haven't properly updated this in a while, eh? So, I'magonna break it down for ya'll.
Uni is over for yet another year. Hooray! Exams could have gone better, but that's entirely my fault. See my mature attitude? Although I reckon the university could take some responsibility. Freakin' TWO EXAMS ON THE FIRST DAY. Fucking... aaarghh, etc. And all done by the first Thursday. And it wouldn't have killed them to have given me some decent lecturers for a change, although I was very happy with Nilss, my macroeconomics lecturer. He's my faculty's version of Mark Rizzacasa. Tee hee hee!
And some blame must be apportioned to YouTube. It's so damn addictive! Also very handy, because all disappointment I used to feel because I'd missed out on seeing such-and-such is no more! And also, it beats buying every single DVD I've ever wanted. I feel like I've watched everything there is to watch on AC/DC, Gyroscope, Ross Noble, The Whitlams, Queen, Easybeats, The Muppets, John Cleese and... N*SYNC (Shutup. I had a relapse, ok? I'm getting help for it).
I guess some more blame must go to Cheekboner guy. I think the last time I saw him was at some point in week 7. After which my studying became non-existent. Coincidence? I think not. Sigh. I do miss him so. But I miss his cheekbones ever more. Oh, will I ever love again?
Further blame must go to the great insurance company. What with their usual staff being completely swamped with menial tasks, and their subsequent continuous offers to me to do said menial tasks... Oh! They drove a dumptruck full of money up to my house. I'm not made of stone! I'm working there now for the rest of the holidays, in Corporate Admin, which sounds a whole lot more swanky than it is. I'm trying to learn all the different cost codes to bill things to, and it's awfully confusing. Damn accountants! *glares at own father, who is the one in charge of everything to do with said cost codes* However, the job is not without its perks. The greatest thing about it is that in the department we have a cake day every Friday. There's not much better than that. As a side note, if any of you are wandering in the city around lunchtime, give me a hoy and we can luncheon.
So, apart from all that, my performance in exams are entirely all my fault. Gotta take the responsibility, because I'm-a-big-kid-now!
In between the time that I finished exams and started work, I watched all those DVDs that I got as presents when I turned into a big kid (cheers guys!). One of those DVDs was At Last The 1948 Show, which is an absolute riot. Some of Monty Python's greatest skits were first put on this show, like The Four Yorkshiremen Sketch, Top Of The Form and Someone's Stolen The News. Classics. By far the funniest sketch is one with Marty Feldman annoying the bejesus out of John Cleese on a train. I'd love for you all to see that, but I can't find it on YouTube, and doing it myself would most probably give me a headache. So instead, here's the second funniest sketch of them all. Tim Brooke-Taylor gives an interview on the DVD lamenting the fact that this sketch was so improvised and unprofessional, what with Marty Feldman forgetting his line about perfume and all of them trying hard not to crack up, but I think it just makes it better. Enjoy!
This is, by far, the worst thing I've ever subjected myself to. Before I watched it I knew it was going to be bad, but I didn't realise just how bad. It truly is horrific.
I say we stab her multiple times with a pointy stick. Any other suggestions?
EDIT: This was my 69th post, and no way is it an entry that deserves to be that number. I feel disappointed with myself.
Note to self: Start studying for exams earlier. And do try to keep up more during the semester. That way you won't be so absolutely screwed when this time comes rolling around. Why can't you be more like Emily, eh? And she's got a partner as well!
Is it just me, or do you feel like the world's just about to end one day soon? I've got this sense of impending doom that isn't entirely because of exams.
Which poses a problem for those of us who fancy ourselves sensitive to the needs of the poor. I for one had purchased a $200 leather briefcase I did not really need the day before the conference. It was something of a shock to realize that this was precisely the sum that the Microcredit Summit aimed to spend on each of its 100 million loan recipients.
Discovering that my $200 could have given a family of four a new start in life bothered me - not only because it challenged how I live my values, but because I had not even thought about it.
My sister was on the train yesterday that crashed into a car near Tottenham station, killing someone. A couple of hours later I was going past it on the bus. A whole load of authorities were still there, as was the train, and what used to be the car. It was horrific. The car was absolutely flattened beyond recognition. It just completely and utterly floored me, and everyone else on that bus, to see that.
This morning there were no trains from Watergardens - buses were taking us to St Albans. I got on the bus to hear another passenger say that someone else had thrown themselves in front of a train, right near the lights a little up from the platform. My sister and I were talking about it when I got home this evening. She has a friend whose Vline train comes straight past Watergardens. This morning, her friend saw a body bag.
This, all in the space of less than 24 hours. It all seems very close.
Is it close? Are you walking towards it, or away from it?
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dignified_rage's journal
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